Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
