Apparently you make a good broom.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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