I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
