If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
