I just cut my nipple shaving
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
