I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
