Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
