Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
