Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
