I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
