my mouth tastes like poor choices
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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