im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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