I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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