i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
