Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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