I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
