thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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