He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
