I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
