I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
