Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
my liver is dry heaving
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
