Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
