last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
