his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
