Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
