There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
