I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
