Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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