I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
