her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
