Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
