So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
