i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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