were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
