dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
