You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
