As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
