so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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