well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
