you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
