Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
