Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
