I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
