So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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