that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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