You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
