Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you mean i was at the winter classic?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
