he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
