matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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