Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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