can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
