Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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