I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
