If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
