What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
