Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
